u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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