we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
