So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Randomize