I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
