Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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