how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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