There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
then he tried to convert me to islam
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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