shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
