And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
