Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
