I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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