I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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