apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
