In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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