I want to have your abortion
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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