Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Damn victory sex feels great
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize