I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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