Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
