I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I seem to have left my pride at pride
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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