i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize