She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
