dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
