i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
