I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
