You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
