btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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