Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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