Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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