The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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