you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
