so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize