Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
