somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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