wrigley field is MILF paradise
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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