i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
