If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
