i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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