Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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