this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
