I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
