Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
