dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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