Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My bed smells like the plague
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