I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
