I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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