Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
