Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
