Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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