I murdered the dance floor call the cops
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
