Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
