i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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