worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
