You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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