Girls should come with a carfax report
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
