If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
What a dumb baby whore.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
