It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
