Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
