3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
