Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
