I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
