I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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