please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
