I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize
