I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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