yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
