You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
