So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
