You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
