HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize