It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
