I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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