is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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