so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
