Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
