sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Randomize
